The Bane of My Existence

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Bane BlogI am following Rosanne Bane, author of Around the Writer’s Block. for quite sometime now and her book is bugging me to write something about my personal take on the “banes of my own existence“. 🙂

A year or so ago, I started my love-hate relationship with writing – words, grammar, sentence construction and all other things in relation to translating or putting ideas into words – the very “bane of my existence”.

Yes.  I am reading her book.  I am still reading it.  And I am still trying to figure out why the heck I am still reading it and not just start writing – right away!  I am trying to convince myself that “I know how to write”, “It’s really very easy”, “I have all the ideas in my head”, “I just have to find the right words”, “I just have to write everything down in the correct tense(s)”….”ahhh, later…I have to finish the laundry first, Oh no, I have to prepare for lunch or for dinner”…”ooppps, the lesson plans for tomorrow, or the crochet/knitting project I have been putting aside for quite a while now”, “someone on the phone?…oh, ok.”  And at the end of the day, when everything is done and now having some quiet time, I remember my laptop…”what was that topic again?…and when I was still trying to remind myself where I left off…I dozed off.  Another day go by…different strokes, different “pokes”.

I know, I am making excuses.  This book, Around The Writer’s Block, is staring at my face again.  I have to answer several questions with resounding YES(es) – again!!!.

  • Want to write more (more often, more freely, more effectively) but just can’t get started and keep going?
  • Allow worry over criticism or rejection keep you from writing?
  • Remember ten other things that you must do whenever you get ready to write?
  • Have great ideas while driving or in the shower, but go blank when you sit down at the keyboard?
  • Sabotage your own best efforts with excessive self-criticism, missed deadlines, lost files, and lost opportunities?

Bakit hindi ako makapag-sulat nang hindi nako-conscious about perfection? Eh, wala namang perfect kung tutuusin! My own “pride? My overzealous “ego”? Where did that come from? Eh alam ko namang hindi talaga ako magaling mag-sulat. Fear of rejection or criticism? Fear of making mistakes and errors? – in what? in words? in grammar? I am supposed to be more confident now because I am over 50! I have the so-called experience – at home, in school and at work – more of it, actually. I am more exposed to everything in life, that is why I am retired (from work), because I felt I have had enough! Di ba?

Now I am back to writing.  Not because I feel like writing, but because I am trying to revive my website. I left it to rot for a few months while I was “busy” performing the mother-role (that’s an excuse!).  So while trying to give it a new look, a new theme, a new set-up and hopefully make it a little bit interesting, I got tired.  🙁

It is tiring. It is so frustrating. It’s taking a toll on my subconscious intellect. It’s not my cup of tea, I must admit. But I have to do it to make this “bane of my existence” a little bit more bearable. And as I move on to age (at 50+) and supposed to have a “better brain” (another topic covered by Rosanne in her talk which I watched recently on YouTube), I must prove to myself (only to MYSELF!) that age is just a number. I need to bear that in my own “better brain”.  So Please Help Me God!

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