This is my “nth” attempt to come up with a personal, decent and organized blog. I started practicing the fine art of blogging sometime in 2009. Not for anybody’s eyes to read but primarily for myself. At that time, I was a pathetic overseas slave worker and was impatiently looking forward to an early retirement. The consequences of being at home for the rest of my retirement life was a scary thought. So I tried to hone my “imaginary skill” – writing (if I’ll ever know how to write – properly, that is) – whenever I get the chance.
Silly thoughts. I am suddenly amused with the thought. Uh.Uh! I am not even a writer! (just a wanna-be). I’m an Accountant! – I count people, I count trees, I count posts and I count bees (if I could) :-p. Well, I count money, actually (other people’s money), and even counted the government’s money at one point in my life – in fact 22 years of trying to catch crooks in the bureaucracy – then I finally gave up. I went abroad to count my Boss’s money. I guess it was just too much to count, so I came back home to later on realize that I was actually AC-counting again – this time my own expenses! (without the corresponding revenues) LOL.
Kidding (myself) aside, at the moment, I am retired from employment (local and overseas) but I still continue working for my dreams. I am an Accountant by profession, which am not so passionate about, unfortunately. I used to work for the Philippine’s Commission on Audit as an Auditor before I became an Administrative Assistant at a brokerage company in the Cayman Islands (KY). I left my local employee and my small children to seek for greener pastures, or so I thought. How pathetic is that?.
Being a stay-at-home mom at the moment brings me to a point in life that makes me look back to my miserable, stressful lifestyle, realizing things could have been better, if not the best, had I chose to live how I wanted my life to be. It’s not wasted time, I’d like to think that. But it could have been better for me had I not been tied-up to slavery for almost 30 years of my life, – and then, I could have truly “retired”, in the real sense of the word. Well, I still hope for the best in the next 20 years, if I ever live that long!
Anyway, (Gosh! what a way to introduce one’s self) – I am now getting past my heydays, so to speak. And it is quite a terrifying thought to admit that my “single-dome” is no longer as sharp as before. I even thought of going back to school (in fact, I did – but quit even before the term ended). I took up a teaching course (online) just to make me feel “secure” deep within (a fall back, just in case). But I was also aware that my thoughts and actions were drifting away from my class, wandering around to “whatever” financial opportunities I could get into. The idea that “this” might help make me feel “useful” and “better” again – (which is better than doing nothing) seemed to preoccupy my mind. Once again, as expected, I failed – badly! 🙁
These unthinkable turn of events on the financial side of my life (for the last 3 years) became my wake-up call. I had to stop being unproductive (money-wise) and to start to seriously think of things I am capable of doing. I had to admit that I can only be at my best if I’d focus only on my own “personal” interests – my family, especially my children (undoubtedly), and my books! – my books and resource materials on online entrepreneurship and writing.
Finally, I am back in the arms of my first loves – Solitude and Reading. I like reading (but I wish I could write, too). I enjoy sitting on my desk with my laptop, browsing the internet and reading whatever pops-out on my screen (I’m kidding). I read all that captures my interests (I’m supposed to say), with my hot cup of coffee cappuccino or creamy latte’ beside me. I tend to be grumpy when I don’t get the chance to do what I like most (who doesn’t?). I wonder how I’d feel if I were also an author of something or anything. Hmmm. (Shrugged).
Meantime, my children takes my priority. From the time I got back home, my kids made my everyday schedule so cramped-up, it somehow made my writing endeavors wait on the sideline. On second thought, I might try doing it (again) while immersing ourselves into our home-school activities. I might be able to pull out some paragraphs in the coming days or weeks or months or years – until I can’t think of anything to write anymore. Well, who knows? 😀
“Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.” – May Sarton